We have talked already about giving freedom to your people to make decisions and make mistakes. Let’s talk now about giving them the freedom to leave.
Your exit door needs to be wide open with no hidden relationship traps.
If you hold on too tightly to your people you run the risk of breaking relationship when they leave.
Broken relationship doesn’t need to result from someone leaving. Just open up your hands and let go. It’s liberating and it nurtures an environment of freedom. It’s empowering when people feel very free to choose if they stay or go.
As the leader you just have no place in deciding what people will do with their lives. This is controlling behavior and hinders the relational aspect of your organization. If people feel there are negative consequences for leaving they will be afraid to process it with you. What may have started as difficult questions can turn into broken relationship and people moving on when maybe they didn’t really want to leave in the first place.
Over the years we have had people come to us with an issue they had with their boss or leader. Our advice was always to talk with their boss or leader about it. So many times though people felt fearful because of consequences that they perceived may come. So instead of working through issues they ended up leaving instead. This could have ended so differently so many times if they had felt safe to talk about difficult things with someone in charge. The same thing happens when people feel the urge to leave or they feel called to something else. They may not be sure how to start the conversation because of perceived consequences or what they have witnessed with people who have left previously. It is your job as a leader to promote a safe environment for these conversations to happen. You have to be proactive about it and ask the questions yourself. It is more likely that they will open up if you initiate it and remind them that it is a safe place to talk. Although, It’s probably not just your words that will convince them that they are safe. It’s how you treated them and others in the past that will really convince them.
Don’t ever talk bad about people who have left your organization. You cause fear to rise up in your people when you do this. And you create a negative story about leaving altogether. It is not a good goal to have people stay out of fear. This is a very unhealthy dynamic for your team.
Your people will feel it when you are holding on too tightly. You will start to lead from a place of fear and it will effect every part of your organization. In your effort to hold onto someone you actually make it more likely for them to leave.
Some people feel that contracts are important. That when people start with you they need to sign something that gives a time commitment. When you do this you are just starting a ticking time bomb. You are communicating at the very beginning that they are going to leave at some point. Sometimes it works out but I really believe there is a better way.
Instead inspire them to join something great and then deliver on that “something great”. What if the reason they stay is that they love working there? What if they felt empowered and able to make a difference? What if they know they are heard and cared about? What if they are actually working for something that excites them so much that they give their lives to it? These are much better reasons for people to stay.
I’ve seen leaders desperately trying to get someone to stay. The results are poor. If the person does end up staying, because of manipulation or fear, they will only perform poorly and actually cause harm to the organization. When someone’s heart is no longer invested it is much better that they move on. Better for everyone.
Let them see first hand that you are more interested in the person’s well being than what they can do for the organization. This is a big morale booster. They will be amazed that you care about the person who moved on. That you celebrate them. People will feel safe when you act this way. They will feel cared for.
When someone wants to move on don’t fight for them to stay. Don’t offer incentives. Don’t beg.
Just take your hands off and let it happen.
Sometimes when they feel they truly have the freedom to leave they may actually end up staying and invested at a higher level.
“If you’re going to be a great leader you are going to have to get used to sowing your life into people just to see them walk away.”
Best to embrace that reality now. It’s a really healthy sign of great leadership when people feel safe enough to leave and still want to be in relationship with you. I always feel like I’ve done something right when this happens.
We have people all over the world who we have sown into just to see them walk into the next part of their journey outside of our organization. It can actually be a wonderful experience. We have friends everywhere now. And you just never know when these relationships will be activated again. They may even come back to you after learning and growing, if the relationship remains in tact, and then you are so much further ahead than when they left.
Don’t take my word for it. Go out there and open up your hands!
leadingpeople.blog 